


Weight of the (Skating) World

by TheBrightestNight



Series: Episode 12 Script Doctor (with a brief Ep 11 appearance) [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (someone teach me how to use tags on AO3), Character Study, Don't copy to another site, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrightestNight/pseuds/TheBrightestNight
Summary: Or a bit of a character study on our favorite silver-haired, Russian figure skater.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: Episode 12 Script Doctor (with a brief Ep 11 appearance) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604152
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Weight of the (Skating) World

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece (of sorts) to my other YOI story, And All the Flowers Will Bloom. It’s not required that you read that first but shameless self-promo, you should totally go read it if you haven’t already.
> 
> Before you click to my other story (if you decide you want to): Notice that this is part of a series, take note the _title_ of the series, and remember that if you were satisfied with Episode 12 canon, then neither this nor the other works in this series may be your cup of tea.
> 
> This takes place in episode 11, right after Yuuri’s short program.

Viktor had felt the sting of defeat—well, defeat was the wrong word; a lower short program score didn’t mean gold was automatically out of reach, but it seemed the most appropriate word to use in this situation because that’s what it felt like (especially to Yuuri)—before. It came with the territory. The first time had been the worst. Subsequent loses (whether it meant not making the podium, not getting gold, or a low program score), Viktor rated on a scale of 1 to 10, only the scale was completely negative. As much as he was used to it, it never got any easier.

Even the great Viktor Nikiforov had to fight back his own demons after a failure in order to do better next time, in order to push himself just that much harder, that much farther, to get that gold medal. After a while, it wasn’t even about him, it was about _everyone else_. He couldn’t _afford_ to lose because of everyone else’s expectations of him. Loses after shouldering that kind of pressure were especially hard.

But he had never felt a loss like this. It far outweighed the pain of his first loss, by a _long-shot_.

And as Viktor watched Yuuri fall to his knees, slowly sinking lower, pressing his forearms and forehead to the ice, hands furled into tight fists, Viktor knew he had to hide his own pain. He didn’t want Yuuri to see how much this had affected him, too. This was when Viktor had to be strongest for Yuuri, especially knowing how much Yuuri’s anxiety was most likely eating away at him right now.

Thing was, it wasn’t even pain over Yuuri touching the ice or the score he was most likely going to receive. No, the pain in Viktor’s heart right now was purely from knowing how much this was hurting Yuuri. As it had been through qualifiers, Yuuri’s performance had been great, except for that small misstep coming out of his jump. But Viktor _hated_ seeing Yuuri so upset, hated seeing him in so much pain. Especially because there was nothing Viktor could to do relieve or soothe it.

And if he saw how much this was affecting Viktor, Viktor was afraid Yuuri might take that the wrong way and only spiral even more.

So as Viktor headed to where Yuuri was going to exit the ice, he carefully swallowed his feelings, pulling up his neutral face. Something he had perfected after about the hundredth interview. The media ate up any show of emotion, breaking it down, trying to decipher every pull of his lips or twitch of his eyebrows. It was exhausting, so he’d learned to keep a neutral face. That way, they’d have less to dissect. He was poked and prodded at enough by the media.

Yuuri wouldn’t meet Viktor’s eyes, and Viktor’s automatic response was to take his hand but he froze half-way there, afraid Yuuri wouldn’t like that. Afraid Yuuri might think Viktor thought he was weak in some way. As much as he wanted to comfort Yuuri, he would simply have to be there for him in a different way right now. So Viktor handed him his skate guards first. After Yuuri had put them on, Viktor handed Yuuri his water bottle and a towel. It wasn’t the best option—it couldn’t hold a candle to a comforting hand or a warm hug, at least in Viktor’s mind—but at least Yuuri took them.

They headed over to the kiss and cry in silence. Viktor’s mind was whirling, trying to think of what he could say to comfort Yuuri. Unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely sure he could come up with something that would sound…well, like _him_. Everything that came to mind felt too manufactured, or like he was just saying it to comfort him for comfort’s sake. When they took a seat, Viktor hesitantly—something Yuuri didn’t even notice—put his arm around Yuuri’s shoulders, letting out a quiet breath when Yuuri didn’t shrug it off.

Yuuri was hunched over, gripping his towel in both hands, eyes downcast. Viktor couldn’t help but look at him, still trying to come up with something to say. Instead of working with him, his thoughts brought forth something else: when that reporter had asked him what he was planning for his next skating season during the Worlds press conference a few months back, in March.

At the time the reporter had asked that question, he certainly wouldn’t have said he was going to take a break to coach a skater from Japan. But he also wasn’t entirely certain he was going to compete, either. Sure, he’d already begun choreographing what would’ve possibly been his new short program(s), but even then he’d been indecisive with which program he wanted to use for sure. Not being the type to encounter indecisiveness very often, especially when it came to his skating, it had given him pause.

After Worlds, he had begun preparing himself to break down his past season’s self and rebuild anew once again. In fact, he’d already begun the process after the GPF, but not fully so he could finish the skating season. This time, however, his indecision had given him the opportunity—the _excuse_ —to stop for a moment and _really_ think about his future in the competitive skating world. (Especially considering the theme of his free skate that season.)

And then Yuuri’s video had been posted online, giving Viktor another opportunity.

Yuuri’s short program score was announced, breaking Viktor from his thoughts. He and Yuuri looked up at the jumbo screen: 97.83. It wasn’t bad. Didn’t hit the hundreds. They both knew Yuuri could do better, but Viktor also knew that Yuuri was far from down or out. Yuuri could make a comeback with his free skate, Viktor was absolutely sure of this.

Yuuri’s shoulders remained hunched—as Viktor let his arm drop and brought it back to his side—and he gripped his towel, staring out at the ice as Phichit took his place.

Viktor still thought he should say something…comforting. Or, at least, encouraging. But he was still having trouble finding the right words. None of them felt like _him_ , like Viktor. Yuuri wanted Viktor to be himself, and Viktor wanted to keep that promise. His thoughts once again turned back to what he’d been thinking a moment ago and he glanced over at Yuuri.

This was the first time, in what felt like his entire life, Viktor didn’t feel alone. The first time he didn’t feel like he _had_ to shoulder the weight of the world by himself.

And he wanted Yuuri to feel the same—to know he didn’t have to face this challenge by himself.

It frustrated Viktor to no end that even with this feeling, he couldn’t come up with the right words to say.

Then his brain _really_ betrayed him when he found himself saying, “Yuuri.” even though he still hadn’t come up with anything to say to Yuuri that would be comforting _or_ encouraging.

Yuuri looked over at Viktor expectantly.

_Fuck._

Viktor hesitantly held out his hand to Yuuri, not really sure what else he could do, and not wanting to accidentally stick his foot in his mouth trying to come up with something to say on the fly. Yuuri looked a little miffed but took Viktor’s hand all the same, and Viktor gave it a gentle squeeze, giving Yuuri a reassuring smile.

Somehow, it seemed to work. The tenseness is Yuuri’s shoulder’s dissipated some. Yuuri squeezed Viktor’s hand back and returned his smile. It was a little tight around the corners, but that was almost expected, considering the score he just received in such an important competition.

Viktor still wanted to do more, say… _something_ to Yuuri that was more encouraging than holding his hand and smiling at him. But as they sat at the kiss and cry through Phichit’s performance, nothing came to mind. Then Yurio practically kicked them both off the bench and Viktor’s thoughts went back to that reporter’s question, going back through his skating career.

He couldn’t help it—being at the GPF and _not_ competing was a completely new experience for him. Some part of him felt nostalgic for it, wished he _was_ competing. Some part of him missed the anticipation, the rush and excitement, the roar of the crowd that was cheering for him. But he also knew he only felt like this because of Yuuri. Viktor knew if he hadn’t decided to take hold of the opportunity Yuuri’s video—Yuuri _himself_ , even—had given him, if he had stayed in competition, he wouldn’t have felt the anticipation, or the rush of being out there on the ice. He would’ve felt like he had for many years now: alone, like the noose that was his competitive skating career was tightening ever-faster around his neck.

It was difficult for Viktor to confront and reconcile those two conflicting emotions, missing something he loved but knowing that the only reason he felt that loss was _because_ he had willingly let it go. It seemed contradictory, a paradox. But there it was, roiling inside him, like some weird emotional cocktail.

At some point, in the middle of his wandering thoughts, he’d wandered away from Yuuri and made his way up to one of the balconies closest to the rink to watch Yurio’s short program, completely forgetting about the seats and opting to stand at the edge of the railing and watch. That’s where Yuuri found him a few minutes later, just as Yurio was finishing up his program.

Viktor glanced over at Yuuri as they took a seat in the stands.

Despite all his conflicting and confusing emotions, there was one thing Viktor _knew_ was true: he wouldn’t have done anything any different.

**Author's Note:**

> It was supposed to be some sort of short script doctor just to ease my own feelings about what I thought was a skipped-over scene, but accidentally turned into some kind of character study for Viktor/expanding on what was going through Viktor’s mind after Yuuri’s short program. Oops. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I just really like his character, yo. (And hope that Ice Adolescence will give me more insight to him ;_;)
> 
> Now, I don’t know point penalties, but I’ve gathered from metas, commenters (thanks bieenn!), and a brief look at a breakdown of point penalties that touching the ice is a smaller point penalty than, say, falling on your butt (like Yurio did in episode 12). So that’s why I didn’t treat Yuuri’s touching the ice as a _huge_ thing, also considering the rest of his program was (I’m assuming) as good as his past performances. But, hey, I could be wrong; I fully admit that. (I mean, his score would say otherwise to my “not a big deal” statement, but let’s not get into that.)
> 
> Anyway, I just always thought it was weird that we didn’t get to see Viktor greet Yuuri as he came off the ice in episode 11. And after writing this, I’m like 83% sure it was because they didn’t know how to write it. (/j I know they had to fit a lot of information in a short two episodes, don’t @ me.)
> 
> In all seriousness, though, I painted myself into a corner, not having also script doctored episode 11 with 12. It’s very hard to script doctor a single scene while still having it compliant to both canon (in that, the “Let’s end this.” scene still exists because of various things that take place during episode 11) and the new “canon” I’d come up with in episode 12. (Not to mention, writing this retrospectively also proved to be a challenge.) At the point I realized this, however, my stubbornness to write this had kicked in and won out, so here’s what I have for you.
> 
> More shameless self-promo, my next YOI fic will basically be the anime written from Makkachin’s point of view. So, if you’ve heard of it, it’s basically _A Dog’s Purpose_ : Yuri on Ice edition.
> 
> Find my writing blog on Tumblr; you can reblog it [here](https://awayofunderstandingit.tumblr.com/post/190300565537/one-shot-weight-of-the-skating-world) ^_^
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed! Comments are appreciated!
> 
> Thank you for reading,  
> TheBrightestNight


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